FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
