I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
