Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
