I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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