As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Everyone says I win the strip club
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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