Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i think my tv is drunk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
