So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize