Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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