you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize