I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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