My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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