i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
