i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
