Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
