Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
