It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
