I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
