I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
