pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You made out with two different species that night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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