I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
