I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
