Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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