i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
