Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The power of my boobs compel you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
