If that was your dad, he is hot
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
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I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The ass gains better be worth it
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