Rock
Scissors
Fuck
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
