He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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