no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
