Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
