these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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