Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
