i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
