dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
