Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
