from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
