I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
