...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
