YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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