I want to walk on stilts...naked
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
