i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
