I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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