Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
