Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
