im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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