I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
