This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
