if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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