Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
