So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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