After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
