Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
