3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
