My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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