WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
