So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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