so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
