dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
