I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
