I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
