Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
