Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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