Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
