I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Randomize
