They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
