are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
