True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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