dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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